deviant art

Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

More from ~Majcen007


×
If you want me to care,
you all but have to say a word,
enlighten me with your sorrows.

If you stay quiet forever,
and never let me in,
how can I make it better?

Come close,
warm yourself by our fire,
and whisper so no other can hear.

I will make you laugh,
I will make you cry,
but I will make it better.

Promise.
  

156

14 23 5
Download HTML download, 505 bytes
Inspired by the song "Sometimes" by Skillet. [link]

Details

Stats

Submitted on
June 27, 2011
File Size
505 bytes
Views
156
Favourites
14 (who?)
Comments
23
Downloads
5

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 License.
URL
Thumb
Only verified accounts can report policy violations. Please check your email and click on the verification link.
* Required field
Add a Comment:
 
love 3 3 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconanaios:
Mood: Love ~anaios 3 days ago  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
One can't fix something than has no faults. Poetry is that kind of thing that has no fault, especially when it's free verse. So I won't critique poetry techniques and stuff like that. Your poem is a gentle stream of feeling which flows flawlessly, so I will comment on the emotions that your poems stirred inside my soul.

The first stanza states the theme of the poem and makes it possible for the reader to identify with the feeling you described. I found myself in it.

The second one continues smoothly the pace set in the first one. It express a universal truth: in this world, no matter what you do, you can't expect to get everything without moving a finger. If one wants something, he should work for it. You can't expect openness from others you don't open yourself in return. It's an obvious truth, but I feel I can't stress enough the beauty of it. You managed to did it with your words. :clap:

In the third stanza there is a gentle invitation to that openness I mentioned before. The verse "warm yourself by the fire" really has the power to emanate the warmness of a kind soul.

I believe that the last stanza is the most powerful of them all. I admit that at first I was a little bewildered about the antithesis between "laugh" and "cry". Then I understood. Loving somebody, no matter if it's a parent, a lover, a brother, child, friend, etc. means both happiness and sadness and all sorts of contradicting emotions. No matter how much we cry for them it's better than not having them at all.

Your poem is simple but nevertheless beautiful. I believe that a poet knows what he is doing when he manages to stir something into his reader's soul. Congratulations!
Reply
:iconjewel-firefly:
Just found this, and I love it. I can see how the Skillet song inspired you (I'm a Skillet fan too).
Reply
:iconmajcen007:
~Majcen007 May 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. :)
Reply
:iconcindella204:
~cindella204 Aug 28, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This song reminds me more of The Last Night then sometimes, but I suppose it's all about interpretation. Well done! Seriously!
Reply
:iconmajcen007:
Mood: Love ~Majcen007 Aug 28, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Your right, but when I heard "Sometimes" by Skillet, I thought of this as a response. It does remind me a "The Last Night" but I felt more strongly about this.

Thanks for the fav and comment :)
Reply
:iconcindella204:
Mood: Love ~cindella204 Aug 28, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
OH I totally get it now. Like this is being said to the person singing "Sometimes". Okay, that makes SO much sense. And I like it even more now :) And thanks for putting me on watch and favorite-ing my icons for Whispers In the Dark and Monster.
Reply
:iconmajcen007:
~Majcen007 Aug 28, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Well I'm glad you like it so much more now... and no problem for the favs. I can't let a skillet fan go unnoticed. :)
Reply
:iconcindella204:
~cindella204 Aug 29, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yeah :)
Reply
:iconjeandawnbringer:
~JeanDawnbringer Jul 24, 2011  Professional Writer
Jesus fr***ng christ, your poetry is really similar to my style,
And that for me is really awesome, dude.

:)
Reply
:iconmajcen007:
~Majcen007 Jul 24, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! :) I was looking at yours and something was pulling at the back of my brain about it...
Reply
Add a Comment: